MusicWarship

Traditionally mixtapes soundtrack one of three activities: working out, blazing down the highway in a cheap car, and trying to get the object of your affections to fall desperately in love with you after they hear in the music all the things you wish you could say. That third one is probably the most common, and also the most fraught with danger — the danger of rejection and heartbreak. That’s why high school students and serious music geeks agonise so intensely on the subtleties of the emotion they’re expressing through their choice of song. (For more on this, give Nick Hornby a ring).

It’s a fact of life: sometimes mixtapes go wrong. It could be simply getting the genres wrong — she loves Lucinda Williams, and you give her the best of Megadeth. Perhaps the messages are mixed — you kick off with Wouldn’t It Be Nice by the Beach Boys and end with You Sure Love To Ball by Marvin Gaye. Or maybe you just get a little too intense with your musical feelings… and that’s when mixtapes go wrong.

And so, here’s the Warship guide to songs you probably shouldn’t put on that mix tape. Nearly all of them bloody great tracks… and all of them pretty creepy:

Side A

1. MP3: Violent Femmes - “Add It Up” (from Violent Femmes, 1983). Classic song, but asking ‘why can’t I get just one fuck?’ on a mixtape will rarely go down well.

2. MP3: Cutting Crew - “I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight” (from Broadcast, 1986). Will work a treat if you’re deathly pale, wearing an earring, and it’s 1986. Otherwise, a little too much.

3. MP3: Joy Division - “She’s Lost Control” (from Unknown Pleasures, 1979). It’ll give her the heebie jeebies, and she won’t even be sure why.

4. MP3: The Police - “Every Breath You Take” (from Synchronicity, 1983). The undisputed zenith of creepy songs. The Puff Daddy version should be avoided as well — not because it’s creepy, it’s just not very good.

5. MP3: Sufjan Stevens - “John Wayne Gacy, Jr.” (from Come On Feel The Illinoise, 2005). A heartbreakingly beautiful, haunting lullaby… and likely to creep someone out for a solid week or two.

SIDE B

1. Chris Isaak - “You Owe Me Some Kind Of Love” (from Chris Isaak, 1987). One of the few times putting Isaak on a mixtape is a bad idea.

2. MP3: Duran Duran - “Hungry Like The Wolf” (from Rio, 1982). It’ll either remind her of hairy, stinking guys leering at her on trains, or John Taylor being way spunkier than you. Either way, you lose.

3. MP3: Paul Simon - “50 Ways To Leave Your Lover” (from Still Crazy After All These Years, 1975). It may seem romantic to you, but her fiance won’t agree.

4. MP3: The Smiths - “Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now” (from Hatful Of Hollow, 1985). Unless she’s that kind of girl.

5. MP3: Akinyele - “Put It In Your Mouth” (1996). If you’ve ever put this on a mixtape, you’re a terrible human being.

This entry was posted on Thursday, November 15th, 2007 at 7:30 am and is filed under Duran Duran, Pop, Rap, Rock. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.