MusicWarship

I’m seeing Justin Timberlake tonight. I’ve got Sexy Back Lounge tickets. It’s not an actual lounge, but it sounds very good doesn’t it? You imagine rich red velvet chaise lounges and brandy and Justin Timberlake crooning an acoustic version of What Goes Around. I’m assuming you’re slightly gay, of course.

MP3: Justin Timberlake - “What Goes Around (Junkie XL Small Room Remix)” (Yeah, Junkie XL is the Eurotard responsible for that Little Less Conversation remix, but he’s done well here).

The only bad part of Timberlake tonight is that T.I. definitely won’t be there, meaning I’ll miss out on my favourite rap-cameo-in-pop-song ever — his largely nonsensical, spectacularly cool effort on My Love.

MP3: Justin Timberlake - “My Love” (Paul Oakenfold Radio Remix) (Good thing: stacks cheesy, like Paul Oakenfold always is. Bad thing: doesn’t include T.I.’s bit, an omission as shocking as the United States’ boycott of the Moscow Olympics).

It’s the NBA, and it kicks off today. Oh almighty lord, I am excited. I can’t wait to see some very big men playing a very good sport, whinging to the press, popping off rounds in strip clubs, throwing cake at random punters on the street, and not feeding their dogs.

To celebrate this holiest of days, we’ll have a red hot listen to the musical works of one K. Bryant. Despite being the most talented baller of the past decade, Kobe is constantly slagged as an egomaniacal dickface. Sure, his private and public criticisms of teammates and owners might have an adverse effect on Laker chemistry, but the guy once scored 81 points in a game. He could’ve ended the game by lopping off Andrew Bynum’s head in an Apocalypto-esque ritual sacrifice and I wouldn’t give a shit. For mine, Kobe can do no wrong; sports geniuses are supposed to be aloof and egotistical.

He’s the most electrifying man you could put on a basketball court, but behind the microphone he’s… well, a bit less good:

MP3: Kobe Bryant - “K.O.B.E.” (Feat. Tyra Banks)

MP3: Kobe Bryant - “Thug Poet” (Feat. Nas & Broady Boy)

MP3: Pet Shop Boys - “Can You Forgive Her”

MP3: Northern State - “Three Amigas”

MP3: Faithless - “Bombs”

MP3: Paolo Nutini - “Jenny Don’t Be Hasty”

MP3: El Perro del Mar - “God Knows (You Gotta Give to Get)”

MP3: Art Brut - “Pump Up the Volume”

In my opinion, quite possibly the best remix of any song ever. No, that’s no hyperbole, I’m totes serious, and I can accept that everyone is going to disagree with me.

Grizzly Bear - “Knife” (Girl Talk Remix)

I’m a little gay for St. Vincent at the moment, so I was psyched to see a video for one of my favorite singles off the new disc.

MP3: Datarock - “Sex Me Up”

MP3: The Editors - “Lullaby”

MP3: Madonna - “Hung Up”

MP3: Queens of the Stone Age - “No One Knows” (Unkle Remix)

MP3: Pizzicato Five - “The Girl from Ipanema”

MP3: Jay-Z - “I Know” (Featuring Pharrell)

Irish electronic artist Roisin Murphy knocked herself the fuck out during a concert in Moscow Saturday night. Towards the end of the clip, you’ll see Roisin banging her head along with the music until OOPS! she banged her head into a stack of chairs.

Roisin stumbled offstage and was later treated at a Moscow hospital (eh, no thnx) for a broken eyesocket bone.

Ooo wee!

MP3: The Black Ghosts - “Let’s Get Physical”

MP3: Broken Social Scene - “I’m Still Your Fag”

MP3: Oh Astro - “Hello Fuji Boy”

MP3: Justin Timberlake - “Chop Me Up”

MP3: Santogold - “Shove It” Feat Spank Rock

MP3: Pet Shop Boys - “It’s a Sin”

Don’t front like you can resist; it was a good year.

MP3: Montell Jordan - “This is How We Do It”

MP3: Bad Brains - “Give Thanks and Praises”

MP3: Iron & Wine - “Boy with a Coin”

MP3: Slick Rick - “A Children’s Story”

MP3: Fugiya & Miyagi - “Uh”

MP3: Jen Lekman - “A Higher Power”

MP3: Wolf Parade - “Disco Sheets”